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Having people around who think of the intellgent of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through frieend of doubt or distance. So you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate. To learn how to make friends easily, click here. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with? The closest of the close. Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you.

To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, click here. You need to be proactive and initiate contact.

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So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee. All the research agrees: Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last. Similarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself not a good interest to havefinding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your self-esteem. Beyond similarity, you should also look for people you want to learn something from. Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being?

To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, click here. These experts must not be good communicators. You want to focus on four primary elements: Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy?

Intelligrnt you sharing personal thoughts and feelings with them? Reciprocity is powerful and this is vital to intelligwnt both of you. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. Women are much better at this than men. They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support. When asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men. Much of male communication is teasing the other guy which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety.

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Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations. We have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even enjoy mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem: Doing the things necessary to make the other person feel safe — and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully. To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, click here.

So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive? You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships, every 2 weeks is the minimum. In general, women are much better at this than men. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships than men. That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.

So women might want to put more effort in to not getting offended.

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