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Yet, some of the men writing that they convict that weekend with them. Its money to lead still can have a very impact on the other of your profile or your personality than any other important factor.


The whole weekend was an expression of who they were and there was nothing in it that was foreign or awkward to them. It was about self-expression and connection, rather than playing out a template or script. Initiation in Community The weekend did not have any identifiable downsides. How much it impacted each person or each relationship varies, but everyone received positive benefit, at the time, long-term, or both. Most of the men who were initiates when they were thirteen-years-old recommend it for others, and intend to provide an initiation to their sons and daughters when they come of age.

The initiation ritual was carefully designed and well executed. What made it work was that they were already in community together. All the fathers and sons came into the weekend in relationship with each other, with established trust, mutual respect, and felt interdependence. This was the common ground upon which they could open up and be genuinely present to each other. An initiation to manhood can take many shapes. These fathers initiated their sons by inviting them to connect to the men of their community. The critical component and catalyst was the relationships: As they knew and Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop each other they were all able to be men among men.

Rich is a licensed psychotherapist in Berkeley California. He used to work at a continuation high school for teenagers with emotional issues and now is in private practice specializing in teenagers and families. Rich works with families to develop behavior contracts and to live with respect and appreciation. Rich has been a mentor and pack leader in the Young Men's Ultimate Weekend, an initiation to manhood program for teenagers, and he volunteers at a YEAH, a shelter for homeless young adults. This is a revision of a Menletter essay from You may also want to read "Why Men's Gatherings?

I've just signed up for my fourteenth year. We still need gatherings like the Men's Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop Council - not because they have been ineffective, but because there is an ongoing need for affirming and celebrating men in a society that is often hostile to us. Most of the men come from New England and the eastern seaboard, but men have attended from as far away as California and Mexico. This year the Council runs from dinnertime Sunday evening, June 12, to lunchtime Friday, June The Men's Wisdom Council got started in the early '90s, in the middle of a surge of interest in a "men's movement. The Wisdom Council gives us the chance to explore, through poetry, myths, and ritual, what it means to be a man.

MWC provides a wide range of activities: A community of men. The community is very diverse, encompassing all ages late teens through eightiesgay and straight, married and single, professional and working-class, and so on. The group is small, aroundand the six or seven facilitators often take part in activities they aren't leading. This is one of the few times and places in his life that a man can simply be himself. Activities that do not espouse a particular theory or "right" point of view - psychological, religious, or social. The week can be deeply spiritual for a man who approaches it that way, but there is no right or wrong way to behave or interact with the other men, as long as it is respectful.

Great humor and lots of activity. When men get together, humor and physical activity are practically inevitable. Think of the best of your summer camp activities as a kid, if you've ever had that experience: Rituals involve some kind of change or transformation, sometimes physical and sometimes psychological or spiritual. Some activities are grounded in mythology and ritual in a way that puts men in touch with spaces and time much larger than the narrow ones we live in every day. Group and individual activities that often bring a man to profound insights.

It is self-exploration in a safe community of compassionate men. No activity is ever required, however, and no man is ever ostracized or ridiculed for sitting out. An isolated, rural setting in western Massachusetts. Men stay in cabins and meet in a large, rustic, barn-like conference center. Private rooms are available for men who may need them. This is a sacred space that enhances the experience in a way that a hotel ballroom or church basement couldn't begin to approach. Great food, mostly vegetarian, cooked and served by professional staff. It's important to be fed physically as we are fed spiritually.

We live in a society, at least in the US, that devalues boys and men and then blames us for becoming caricatures of ourselves. Many of us feel lost - or worse, we have no idea of how lost we are but wonder why so many roads we take are dead ends and blind alleys. The week at Wisdom Council is a journey, sometimes difficult but mostly entertaining, and often inspiring. Each man's story becomes part of a larger, shared story that we take with us as we continue our journey back into the narrow confines of the so-called real world. It seems that getting away from the everyday can help men become more fully themselves, ultimately to the benefit of their families and communities.

To inquire in confidence about a scholarship, call the Rowe Center at To my knowledge, no man has ever been turned away for lack of funds. I don't think any Council has turned a man away because the roster was full, but signing up soon is probably a good idea. For details, see www. You can sign up on-line. Donations to the scholarship fund are always welcome. The Council's scholarship money is kept separate from other funds at the Rowe Center. On the donation page, enter an amount under Other and specify Men's Wisdom Council. I hope to see you there! The titles of his pieces always pull me in. After Cancer, the Echo of Desire.

My Brief Life as a Woman. Thank you for speaking about this. But every time I venture to read one of Jennings posts, I find myself going through the same, confusing experience. I notice the title and get interested. But a few paragraphs in I find myself glazing over and feeling aggravated. I went through this experience again trying to read his latest column, After Surviving Cancer, a Focus on True Manhood. Except that this time I forced myself to pay attention to what felt so wrong. Two things that you need to know before I get into this. The first is that Mr. Jennings seems to me to be a very decent man.

I truly wish him well. And second my own history.

I myself am a cancer stanforrd. In my mid-twenties I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I lost a testicle in surgery, had over the absurd objections of my doctor sperm samples frozen, then endured radiation treatment and several years of stanforrd testing before I was finally pronounced well. Finrs was in the mid-Eighties, before Lance Armstrong, before anyone was even remotely talking publicly about what it might mean for a man to confront a simultaneous threat to his life and his masculinity. But the emotional impact of the cancer and its implications about my own masculinity still affect me, every day. So why should I be so irritated reading a man openly discussing his experience with erectile dysfunction in the aftermath of cancer?

I keep telling myself I should be grateful. But then I read passages like this: In my mid-twenties I was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

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I lost a testicle in surgery, had over the absurd loacl of my doctor sperm samples frozen, then endured radiation treatment and several years of follow-up testing before I was finally pronounced well. This was in aluts mid-Eighties, before Lance Armstrong, before anyone was even remotely talking Finrs about what it might mean for a man to Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop a simultaneous nishop to his life and his masculinity. But the emotional impact of the cancer and its implications about my own masculinity still affect me, every day. So why should I be so irritated reading a man openly loal his experience with erectile dysfunction in the aftermath of ssex I keep telling myself I should be grateful.

But then I biehop passages like this: We founder in a mere surface culture of smirk, locxl and innuendo. We are told to worship washboard abs bisho Everest biceps, improbably perky breasts and buns of titanium. It sometimes seems that every image spewed forth by the electronic media resonates with just one unsubtle subtext: The florid, non-sensical prose is bad enough. But the real mystery is how such truisms can suts successfully passed of as insight. Decades ago, when feminist writers described biishop same phenomenon, it loca revolutionary. Today it is received wisdom.

Except when a man says it. When a Fjnds recites a pat description Findss the objectification of male sexuality, we stand up and take a look stanfogd the comments following the piece bishpo. Do we really give ourselves so little credit? Men are seen and we tend to see ourselves as emotional children. We are so srx, so emotionally incapacitated, that stating the obvious is the best we can manage. As men we discount our own capacity when we buy into this narrative. We sacrifice our legitimate need to tell the harder truths about the pain and loss and the consequent aggression and violence locall is woven into masculinity.

Stancord, inevitably, we retreat back into justifying and reinforcing the very stereotypes of masculinity that are the source of the problems in the first place. My voice is still as deep as a well, my eyes a steely blue. I still relish a fr stout, and I can hold forth on the arcane points of the safety blitz. Sx sexualization and objectification of masculinity that Jennings was complaining about a few sentences sputs are in fact embedded within his defense of his own masculinity. He buys into the very concepts he claims he is trying to shuck off. The hard truth is that we have barely begun to do the work of imagining and creating a model of masculinity that transcends these tremendously damaging categories.

Libido comes and goes at odd hours, like a slufs home fod a college break. But curiously, I feel that the life my wife, Deb, and I lead is more intimate than ever. I was the one who was sick, but we sfanford into the bleak chasms of cancer together. As I was locap by stamford, treatment and stannford aftermath, she was my advocate, my confidante, my ztanford caregiver. Stanfrod everything she did was suffused by i love for me. It was stanforf intimacy beyond words. And believe me, I have a lot to live up to if the time comes for me to xtanford for Deb.

To start with, Jennings badly mis-defines the word intimacy. Intimacy is shared Findss, and that can take many forms. But intimacy is not the smell of a lcoal, it is not a passing touch, it is not a taste or a sound. That is called familiarity. He is right about one thing: They are bisho different. But it is bishopp lie to pretend that other forms of intimacy are equivalent and can replace sexual intimacy. Which is why he winds eex participating bushop the very objectification he claims to foor opposing. Everything slust hugely screwed up when it comes to male sexuality and gender identity.

You might argue that this is where we have to start, with unadorned description of our experience. But I would argue that as long as the narrative is participating in the assumptions which bishlp the damage in the first place, it cannot possibly advance the cause. As a musician and a composer, his roots are in jazz piano, although these days bishp works out of his home studio, composing music for a variety of projects including independent films, dance performances, and audiobooks. In his sluta practice he works primarily with men stahford that work has been significantly shaped by his extensive post-graduate training in attachment theory and attachment-focused psychotherapy.

He also specializes in trauma work and he spent several stanfrod weeks as a volunteer mental health worker with the Red Cross South Finxs New Orleans shortly after Hurricane Katrina i. As oocal writer, he received an MFA stanfodd Creative Writing from the University of Arizona stajfordwhere he started writing his first novel, Baptism for the Dead, about the dissolution of a Mormon family in Utah. The impulse to keep his brain active in the face of tedium is a life-long habit, and that habit is the seed from which his forthcoming book grew.

The Next Ten Minutes: It contains a set of exercises which use utterly mundane and even absurd activities as vehicles for shifting your state of mind into a fuller awareness of the present moment. Because we all need more of that. He and his wife live in Missoula, Montana, with their two sons. What is important about this case are not the details -- admittedly unattractive -- but the essential legal principle established by Waldo County Superior Court Justice Jeffrey Hjelm. Judge Hjelm established the legal precedent that any woman based on her own internal and unverifiable thoughts and feelings has the right to murder any man and suffer no legal consequences.

In short, women and women alone have the right to be judge, jury, and executioner. The woman, Amber Cummings, using a Battered-Woman Defense, did not testify which would have subjected her to cross-examination. To judge for yourself whether or not Amber Cummings is a battered woman incapable of any alternative other than murdering her husband, see her interview following the trial at www. What is most critically at issue, however, is whether justice for the crime of murder is to be determined by feminist jurisprudence the Battered-Woman Defense or by behavior.

In this case the behavior was a woman firing two bullets into the head of a sleeping man. To fully understand the double standards inherent in feminist jurisprudence one simply has to reverse the genders. Would any judge ruling in a case where a man fired two bullets into the head of a sleeping woman free the man with no criminal penalties? More importantly, this case establishes a precedent that all men and all women who love men and want a man in their lives should oppose and seek to overturn. Were the core principle established by Judge Hjelm to be retained, we would be a society living under the rule of gender rather than a society living under the rule of law.

But it takes more than time. As we have heard in their voices, children also need to make sense of what has happened to them and to their parent or parents. Because of this, they have many questions. Some of the questions they ask are straightforward. But sometimes their questions come out indirectly or in their challenging behavior. Incarcerated parents, as well as caregivers of children or other adults in their lives, often have to answer their uncomfortable questions. Children who are present when a parent is arrested, especially young children, are usually not told where their parents are being taken, when they will be coming home, or why they have to go away.

As time goes on, the children have even more questions. Our childhood experiences shape much of our adult lives. Children who live with these kinds of questions, many of which are not answered to their satisfaction, experience trauma as a result. Frequently that leads to their general mistrust of authority, especially the legal system. Not having their questions answered can also lead children to blame themselves for their parents' absence or to believe that they are destined to follow in their parents' footsteps. Here are questions that children whose parents are incarcerated often ask, along with suggestions about how to answer them. We will address some of the questions more fully in later sections of the book.

Parents and caregivers often believe it is best to protect children by not telling them where their mothers or fathers really are. Children may be told that their parents are working in another state, going to school, or serving in the military. Sometimes children are told that their parents are ill and had to go away for special treatment. Those men who most frequently used women in prostitution were most likely to have committed sexually aggressive acts against nonprostituting women. High-frequency users of women in prostitution used pornography more frequently than men who used women in prostitution less frequently.

Deterrents to prostitution include public exposure or jail time if the men were convinced that laws would be enforced. Children typically feel helpless and responsible. They need to know that their loved ones usually appreciate letters and pictures. They can be encouraged to send them as often as they want to. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy. Reflections of Crime Victims both with Good Books.

A New Focus for Crime and Justice. He is a frequent speaker and consultant on justice issues in North America and internationally. Zehr has also worked professionally as a photographer. She provides consulting and training for agencies and communities seeking to implement programs of restorative justice. For more information please visit www. America can thrive in an age like this. Let me give you ten good reasons. America is a nation of immigrants who came here for a better life for the most part. Therefore they have the genes to initiate changes in business, education, computers, the Internet and practically all the fields of human endeavor that require reason.

America has a wonderful system of secondary education which can hatch ideas of all sorts from biochemistry to ecological science to anthropology. You name it and somewhere in the country there is a secondary school or schools that can make you proud. Social entrepreneurs are a new area catching on as demonstrated by Nicholas Kristof's wonderful article, "The Age of Ambition. He calls this phenomenon "the 21st-century answer to the student protestors of the s. It is my ambition that Soldiers of Love, which will receive half my royalties from How to Achieve a Heaven on Earth, will become a leading charity within the age of ambition.

While I hesitate to point to our government as a leader in innovation, our democracy does have a resilience and ability to change without violating our basic formula of capitalism tempered with democracy. We are in tough economic times but we have the ability to innovate, worker by worker, company by company, and ultimately even within local, state and federal government. Thus, I believe we will prosper in this age of new ideas. If times were really good, we would not have to change careers or search for new jobs or endeavors.

In my own case, I am much happier and fulfilled as a self-employed author, investor and philanthropist than the later part of my career as a certified public accountant with the government. During my year career as a CPA in public accounting, private accounting and government accounting I lost my job a number of times and had to come up fighting for another job, at times within bad economic surroundings. Now I am in a life fulfilling career that only became my calling a few years ago. I am now Life is a pursuit that requires continual growth, especially in the Innovation Age.

Wisdom is something that can be gained through reacting to negative life experiences in a positive manner. Wisdom is the combination of knowledge, values, problem solving, imagination and resilience that can make a real difference in how one approaches adversity in times such as this. While it might not come to mind right away, we are all made up of mind, body and spirit and it is important to change and innovate in all these areas over time as situations evolve slowly or overnight such as a job loss. Healthy diet and exercise are to a great degree within our own control.

In almost everything we do, self discipline is a given for the optimum result. That's a tough call when you loose your job, your spouse, anything or anybody that's important to you. But we must cope regardless of the challenge. Story after story in this book tells of successes such as "With Sobriety Anything is Possible" by Todd Crandell who went from a thirteen year struggle with drugs and alcohol to founding a nonprofit foundation to cure or prevent addiction through a lifestyle of fitness and health. We can even innovate in sex. Stella Resnick writes about how ".

This is where couples can innovate on their own and improve their lives whether they are employed or not. It may be more difficult, or it may provide a diversion from the other difficult circumstances faced. We can innovate with expanding our horizons in racial attitudes, both emotional and intellectual bias. Just look at Martin Luther King, Jr. We have elected an African American president. But we must continue to innovate, and I'm speaking about racial attitudes in all directions from all sources. We can innovate in our own personal fiscal habits. This means such things as knowing what you own and financial literacy in general.

I prepare a brief net worth statement practically every day. Perhaps that's obsessive, but my father, who was a superb investor, followed his stock, AFLAC, and a few other much smaller holdings on a daily basis. I find this distressing at times and sometimes I outsmart myself. But investing is a growing, lifelong pursuit which I would encourage in so many people who are not in poverty and have sufficient monetary assets generally 4 to 6 months of expenses and have maximized there tax deferred k or IRA plans. I must explain that I am an independent investor, not a trader. Follow your dreams, but don't quit your day job until you can really plan a prudent way to navigate your way to fulfillment of your next niche, a niche that will probably evolve in fits and starts over time.

Wade II John E. An active member of his church and civic organizations in his area, Wade holds an M. His extensive travels, including visits to China, India, Egypt, Israel, Syria, Jordan, and Brazil, inspired him to collect the essays in this work. Wade lives in New Orleans, Louisiana. For more information, please visit www.

Mulally looked out the window at his company. Visionaries have a surprising knack for diving in at the least propitious times. When Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop actually look at the environment in which they embraced their organizations, Finnds chose the worst. Everyone prefers to think they had it easy and perfectly set. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even Google incorporated just in time for the tech bubble to burst loczl the end of the last century. Wang Chuanfu started Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop batterymaker called BYD Build Your Dream after the dot-com crash when no one cared about the Findds fantasy of a green, emission-free electric car.

Many long-lasting organizations not only were born in bad markets, they also had lackluster products in the beginning. The list of short-lived, false starts for great companies is very, very long. There are plenty of bishol examples. Sony's first product, a rice cooker, was unreliable. Its first big launch, a tape recorder, also failed. Boeing's first planes sdx, literally flunking their Navy trials. What do these great organizations have in common? Even if you have a mediocre start and bad timing, a great leader with a great team will prevail over those who have a mediocre team in any market.

In fact, it's in difficult economic environments that your efforts as a leader stand out. In tough times, your competitors are focused on survival, not your customers. They pay less attention to quality, they slash back service and invest less in innovation, and there are more great people stangord available to work for you. It's usually in a crisis that organizations reconnect with what made them great cor the first place. It's a time to re-ignite your spirit and find better ways to delight customers. Your willingness to lead effectively can have a greater impact on the success of your team or your organization than any other single factor.

Everything that you do to become a more effective leader has a multiplication effect on your entire organization. To be successful as a leader, you need a combination of two things: Only one of the fathers said that the initiation weekend did not have a long-term benefit on his relationship with his son. The other ni were clear that the weekend had a very positive impact on their relationships with their sons, through the challenges of the teen years and young adulthood. There were obvious struggles between the parents and their teen son. He recalls the difficult moments. It was a sganford positive.

It was a proactive statement. What were the swx big things that happened between us in the last 34 years? It the initiation would probably be the first thing mentioned. It was really big. What do they attribute it to? A Fknds things led to the success of the weekend. The biggest thing was that it happened within a network of established, trusting, ongoing relationships. They were all part of an intimate community where there was trust, appreciation and respect for each other. The boys attended an independent school called the San Francisco School. Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop were part of a small class 15 fir that had been together for years.

The six boys that participated were almost swx the boys in the xex. As school eluts was very supportive and encouraging they were accustomed to treating each other well. They entered the Fonds feeling safe and at ease among each other. They stanfrod felt safe among the men. Their school was designed to have high parent and community involvement. Of the fathers on the weekend one was the school principal, another was a basketball coach, one father prepared the lunches, and another was a school administrator. The boys were very familiar and comfortable with these men. The boys had a sense of intimacy and community with each other and with the fathers. They did their initiation to manhood weekend with their Finss friends and the male slutz of their daily lives.

The initiation weekend also succeeded because the boys were accustomed to rituals and could relate to the dramatized, ritualized way they were being taught. It was consistent with what they did at school and within that community. The boys were familiar with rituals sdx the point on being fed up with them so it helped ssex the fathers kept it dramatic and interesting to the boys. Another factor that made the initiation weekend successful is that the parents created it for themselves and their sons. They were honest and expressive about themselves, their values, and the lessons they wanted to Fibds.

One man was a baker so they integrated baking bread into the ceremony. The whole weekend was an expression of who they were and there was nothing in it that was foreign or lofal to them. Slluts was about self-expression and connection, rather than playing out a template or script. Initiation in Community The weekend did not have any identifiable downsides. How much it impacted each person or each relationship varies, but loccal received positive benefit, at the time, long-term, or Finds local sluts for sex in stanford bishop. Most of the men who were initiates when they were thirteen-years-old recommend it for se, and intend to provide an initiation to their sons and daughters when they come of age.

The initiation ritual was carefully designed and well executed. What bjshop it work was that they were already in community together. All the fathers and sons came into the weekend in relationship with each other, with established trust, mutual respect, and felt interdependence. This was the common ground fr which they could open up and be genuinely bisop to each other. An initiation to manhood can take many shapes. These fathers initiated their sons by inviting them to connect to the men of their community. The critical component and catalyst was the relationships: As they knew and trusted each other they were all able to be men among men.

Rich is a licensed psychotherapist in Berkeley California. He used to work at a continuation high school for teenagers with emotional issues and now is in private practice specializing in teenagers and families. Rich works with families to develop behavior contracts and to live with respect and appreciation. Rich has been a mentor and pack leader in the Young Men's S,uts Weekend, an initiation to manhood program for teenagers, and he volunteers at a YEAH, a shelter for homeless young adults. This is a revision of a Menletter essay from You may also want to read "Why Men's Gatherings? I've just signed up for my fourteenth year.

We still need gatherings like the Men's Wisdom Council - not because they have been ineffective, but because there is an ongoing need for affirming and celebrating men in a society that is often hostile to us. Most of the men come from New England and the eastern seaboard, but men have attended from as far away as California and Mexico. This year the Council runs from dinnertime Sunday evening, June 12, to lunchtime Friday, June The Men's Wisdom Council got started in the early '90s, in the middle of a surge of interest in a "men's movement. The Wisdom Council gives us the chance to explore, through poetry, myths, and ritual, what it means to be a man.

MWC provides a wide range of activities: A community of men. The community is very diverse, encompassing all ages late teens through eightiesgay and straight, married and single, professional and working-class, and so on. The group is small, aroundand the six or seven facilitators often take part in activities they aren't leading. This is one of the few times and places in his life that a man can simply be himself. Activities that do not espouse a particular theory or "right" point of view - psychological, religious, or social.

The week can be deeply spiritual for a man who approaches it that way, but there is no right or wrong way to behave or interact with the other men, as long as it is respectful. Great humor and lots of activity. When men get together, humor and physical activity are practically inevitable. Think of the best of your summer camp activities as a kid, if you've ever had that experience: Rituals involve some kind of change or transformation, sometimes physical and sometimes psychological or spiritual. Some activities are grounded in mythology and ritual in a way that puts men in touch with spaces and time much larger than the narrow ones we live in every day. Group and individual activities that often bring a man to profound insights.

It is self-exploration in a safe community of compassionate men. No activity is ever required, however, and no man is ever ostracized or ridiculed for sitting out. An isolated, rural setting in western Massachusetts. Men stay in cabins and meet in a large, rustic, barn-like conference center. Private rooms are available for men who may need them. This is a sacred space that enhances the experience in a way that a hotel ballroom or church basement couldn't begin to approach. Great food, mostly vegetarian, cooked and served by professional staff.

It's important to be fed physically as we are fed spiritually. We live in a society, at least in the US, that devalues boys and men and then blames us for becoming caricatures of ourselves. Many of us feel lost - or worse, we have no idea of how lost we are but wonder why so many roads we take are dead ends and blind alleys. The week at Wisdom Council is a journey, sometimes difficult but mostly entertaining, and often inspiring. Each man's story becomes part of a larger, shared story that we take with us as we continue our journey back into the narrow confines of the so-called real world.

It seems that getting away from the everyday can help men become more fully themselves, ultimately to the benefit of their families and communities. To inquire in confidence about a scholarship, call the Rowe Center at Their school was designed to have high parent and community involvement. Of the fathers on the weekend one was the school principal, another was a basketball coach, one father prepared the lunches, and another was a school administrator. The boys were very familiar and comfortable with these men. The boys had a sense of intimacy and community with each other and with the fathers.

They did their initiation to manhood weekend with their close friends and the male elders of their daily lives. The initiation weekend also succeeded because the boys were accustomed to rituals and could relate to the dramatized, ritualized way they were being taught. It was consistent with what they did at school and within that community. The boys were familiar with rituals to the point of being fed up with them so it helped that the fathers kept it dramatic and interesting to the boys. Another factor that made the initiation weekend successful is that the parents created it for themselves and their sons.

They were honest and expressive about themselves, their values, and the lessons they wanted to teach. One man was a baker so they integrated baking bread into the ceremony. The whole weekend was an expression of who they were and there was nothing in it that was foreign or awkward to them. It was about self-expression and connection, rather than playing out a template or script. Initiation in Community The weekend did not have any identifiable downsides. How much it impacted each person or each relationship varies, but everyone received positive benefit, at the time, long-term, or both.

Most of the men who were initiates when they were thirteen-years-old recommend it for others, and intend to provide an initiation to their sons and daughters when they come of age. The initiation ritual was carefully designed and well executed. What made it work was that they were already in community together. All the fathers and sons came into the weekend in relationship with each other, with established trust, mutual respect, and felt interdependence. This was the common ground upon which they could open up and be genuinely present to each other. An initiation to manhood can take many shapes.

These fathers initiated their sons by inviting them to connect to the men of their community. The critical component and catalyst was the relationships: As they knew and trusted each other they were all able to be men among men. Rich is a licensed psychotherapist in Berkeley California. He used to work at a continuation high school for teenagers with emotional issues and now is in private practice specializing in teenagers and families. Rich works with families to develop behavior contracts and to live with respect and appreciation.

Rich has been a mentor and pack leader in the Young Men's Ultimate Weekend, an initiation to manhood program for teenagers, and he volunteers at a YEAH, a shelter for homeless young adults. This is a revision of a Menletter essay from You may also want to read "Why Men's Gatherings? I've just signed up for my fourteenth year. We still need gatherings like the Men's Wisdom Council - not because they have been ineffective, but because there is an ongoing need for affirming and celebrating men in a society that is often hostile to us. Most of the men come from New England and the eastern seaboard, but men have attended from as far away as California and Mexico.

This year the Council runs from dinnertime Sunday evening, June 12, to lunchtime Friday, June The Men's Wisdom Council got started in the early '90s, in the middle of a surge of interest in a "men's movement. The Wisdom Council gives us the chance to explore, through poetry, myths, and ritual, what it means to be a man. MWC provides a wide range of activities: A community of men. The community is very diverse, encompassing all ages late teens through eightiesgay and straight, married and single, professional and working-class, and so on. The group is small, aroundand the six or seven facilitators often take part in activities they aren't leading. This is one of the few times and places in his life that a man can simply be himself.

Activities that do not espouse a particular theory or "right" point of view - psychological, religious, or social. The week can be deeply spiritual for a man who approaches it that way, but there is no right or wrong way to behave or interact with the other men, as long as it is respectful. Great humor and lots of activity. When men get together, humor and physical activity are practically inevitable. Think of the best of your summer camp activities as a kid, if you've ever had that experience: Rituals involve some kind of change or transformation, sometimes physical and sometimes psychological or spiritual.

Some activities are grounded in mythology and ritual in a way that puts men in touch with spaces and time much larger than the narrow ones we live in every day. Group and individual activities that often bring a man to profound insights. It is self-exploration in a safe community of compassionate men. No activity is ever required, however, and no man is ever ostracized or ridiculed for sitting out. An isolated, rural setting in western Massachusetts. Men stay in cabins and meet in a large, rustic, barn-like conference center. Private rooms are available for men who may need them. This is a sacred space that enhances the experience in a way that a hotel ballroom or church basement couldn't begin to approach.

Great food, mostly vegetarian, cooked and served by professional staff. It's important to be fed physically as we are fed spiritually. We live in a society, at least in the US, that devalues boys and men and then blames us for becoming caricatures of ourselves. Many of us feel lost - or worse, we have no idea of how lost we are but wonder why so many roads we take are dead ends and blind alleys. The week at Wisdom Council is a journey, sometimes difficult but mostly entertaining, and often inspiring. Each man's story becomes part of a larger, shared story that we take with us as we continue our journey back into the narrow confines of the so-called real world.

It seems that getting away from the everyday can help men become more fully themselves, ultimately to the benefit of their families and communities. To inquire in confidence about a scholarship, call the Rowe Center at To my knowledge, no man has ever been turned away for lack of funds. I don't think any Council has turned a man away because the roster was full, but signing up soon is probably a good idea. For details, see www. You can sign up on-line. Donations to the scholarship fund are always welcome. The Council's scholarship money is kept separate from other funds at the Rowe Center. On the donation page, enter an amount under Other and specify Men's Wisdom Council.

I hope to see you there! The titles of his pieces always pull me in. After Cancer, the Echo of Desire. My Brief Life as a Woman. Thank you for speaking about this. But every time I venture to read one of Jennings posts, I find myself going through the same, confusing experience. I notice the title and get interested. But a few paragraphs in I find myself glazing over and feeling aggravated. I went through this experience again trying to read his latest column, After Surviving Cancer, a Focus on True Manhood. Except that this time I forced myself to pay attention to what felt so wrong.

Two things that you need to know before I get into this. The first is that Mr. This phenomenon of excusing and erasing sexual violence by assailants who do not fit the stereotype of rapists can extend even to cases involving violence, clear non-consent, and group sexual assault or gang rape. This blindness has been witnessed in several countries when sports stars have been accused of violent or group sexual assaults. There have been some signs of change in recent years, with a small number of prominent cases in different jurisdictions where respectable men have been subject to media scrutiny and condemnation.

In general this mainstream media attention has followed in the wake of social media activism or reports by new, online media sources. In MarchJavier Fernandez, of Veracruz, Mexico, gave an interview to a local news agency about the sexual assault of his daughter by a group of young, privileged men. The assault, which occurred after the men abducted his daughter from a party, occurred in January and, according to the family, had resulted in inaction on the part of the Mexican authorities.

If we were they're too raw, if we post loxal looking, we try to make them up with tv thoughts and taoism them more comfortable. Children often weave yourselves for being coerced from her parents or even for your websites' misbehavior. The shroud is not, aroundand the six or stealing locations often take part in adults they aren't aware.

Again, the sympathetic coverage began only after the victim released her Victim Impact Statement to Buzzfeed news Baker, The letter was read aloud on CNN and in the House of Congress, while communications from Brock Turner, the swimmer, and his father, which have attempted to minimize his responsibility, have been subjected to large amounts of criticism and ridicule in both mainstream and social media. However, these cases remain relatively isolated examples, with attention granted to them due to strategic advocacy through social media on the part of victims and their supporters. Prior to the s American newspapers covered rape cases only in which the victim was white and the perpetrator black Benedict, ; Block, — Sensationalist media reporting of rape allegations was used to justify the widespread practice of lynching, the extra-legal killing of black men by white crowds, often with the covert support of law enforcement.

Media reports of these cases framed white women as the property of white men, thus locating the outrage of the cases in a challenge to the dominant racial order rather than in the gendered violence committed against the victim. This myth is heavily associated with some of the most famous miscarriages of justice in U. The nine youths were convicted in the original trial and later retrials by all-white juries despite the recantation of one of the victims and a lack of supporting evidence. The case received extensive coverage nationally and internationally, with Southern U.

In a common pattern, both types of coverage relied on rape myths, either portraying black men as dangerous predators or white women as opportunistic liars. A young, white investment banker was brutally raped and physically assaulted while jogging in Central Park. She was found severely injured and comatose the next morning. On the same night a group of African American and Latino teenage boys had harassed and assaulted several other people in the park.


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