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The next darlings harlequin out anal a Jewish tragedy, as one by one, the last women of the City League fall like men. Where had all the planning, all the day gone?.
I got out, stomped saint-malafhie to the middle of the bridge with the DVD player in tow, and threw it Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie the side into the water feet below. Then a cop escoets seen the whole thing came up to arrest me because you're not supposed to throw things off the Golden Gate Bridge, but I didn't care. I was still too damn angry over that horrible ending!! So I punched him. Saint-kalachie I threw him over the side and into the water feet below. Then his partner showed up and took me down with a taser.
Turns out foot falls are lethal, even if you land saint-malschie water. The cop I threw over the side got about a dozen broken bones, and Bangiok ended up convicted of throwing a foreign object off esscorts Golden Gate Bridge, assaulting a police officer, and attempted murder. I was sentenced to 5 years in prison. I finally calmed down about the horrible ending of this episode some time during year 3. When I got out, I decided to give this review one more go. I got a new DVD player, a new TV, a new copy of the Challenge of the Escortx DVD, and started watching from the beginning — but this time, knowing that all the drama was fake and seeing the show for what it really was.
So, let's review this episode all over again, right from the start. We open on this ridiculous funeral where all the SuperFriends are mourning the death of someone important. Like anyone dies in the comic books. They pan to the tombstone, and guess what? It's one of their own. It's not Bruce Wayne's tombstone, no no no no. It just says "Batman. They probably buried him with the damn costume on, too. Take a deep breath. You're blaming this cartoon for stealing five years of your life. Don't keep doing that. It didn't really steal five years of your life. You just made that up. You didn't really get arrested. You didn't really go to prison.
There's no need to keep heaping your anger on this episode. The scene cuts to the Batcave, where it turns out the SuperFriends have been merely watching a video recording of Batman's funeral. Sucks to be you, Boy Wonder. Superman blithely informs us that "The Bat Satellite will allow us to tap into the Hall of Doom memory tapes. Batman built a satellite that can basically read the Legion of Doom's records any time they want to. Leaving aside the potential issues of privacy-invasion from such technology, you have to ask yourself: Why the hell haven't the SuperFriends been using this against the Legion of Doom the whole time?
Usually, the Justice Leaguers get caught completely off-guard by the Legion's antics. If they'd been using this Bat Satellite technology in Monolith of Evilthey would've known it wasn't the real U. They could've either avoided the trap entirely or, at the very least, sent someone other than Superman. But nooooooo, I guess if we use Bat Satellite surveillance against the Legion of Doom, it means the terrorists have won or something. Anyway, the Hall of Doom's memory tapes reveal that an oil well right next to the Hall of Justice was actually being run by the Legion of Doom: I guess Lex Luthor's cheap rubber mask was enough to fool the Justice League's legendary security checks.
Luthor reveals that, one mile below Justice League H. I've never seen "noxium" on any periodic chart. In any event, Luthor claims this "element" was created by an ex-legion member named "Doctor Nataz. But you know, the people who write subtitles for DVDs don't always read the shooting script. What if, instead, it was spelled with an S? Words that end in S frequiently have the final S pronounced like a Z, such as "knives" or "balls. But look what you get if his name is spelled "Doctor Natas. Go on, do it. Look what you get. Tell me that isn't the coolest supervillian name you've ever heard!
Or Superman saying, "Look out, it's Doctor Satan! The possibilities are endless.
Luthor, Grundy, and Sinestro saint-mxlachie into the drilling shaft in one of their anti-gravity hover cars. Daint-malachie shaft is amazingly roomy, at least 10 feet wide at the top and 30 feet wide at the bottom. They would have had to excavate over half a million cubic feet of dirt to make this shaft. Which, I remind you, is right next to Justice League Headquarters. You've gotta wonder how this escaped Superman's super senses, Batman's vast array of ssaint-malachie equipment, etc. Hell, even the nearby fish should have alerted Aquaman when that much dirt got thrown in their direction.
Luthor finds the box containing the Noxium, but his "Magna Ray" can't cut it open because it's made of "Krypton steel, a harmless form of Kryptonite that only Superman can penetrate. Everyone knows that various Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie of Kryptonite work backwards for Bizarro. Blue Kryptonite, for example, heals Superman of the effects of Red Kryptonite, but sajnt-malachie and subdues Bizarro. I know that's escorhs exactly backwards. Therefore, if Krypton Steel is harmless to Superman, it must be Backwards Harmless to Bizarro, and he wouldn't want to get anywhere near it.
You can believe me because this webpage is on the Internet. So un, Luthor decides to trick Superman into opening the box for him. He Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie this by launching an all-out assault on the Hall of Justice, using the Legion of Doom's giant built-in mechanical ih that we've never seen before and will never see again: Green Lantern, repeating the wisdom of Sun Tzu, declares, "The best way to defend is to attack! Green Lantern distracts it by creating a giant green mouse trap, while Superman punches through the Hall of Doom's roof and confronts 4 of the Legionnaires.
Luthor is holding a box that looks suspiciously like the one they recovered from under the Hall of Justice in the previous scene, with a teeny little radar dish on top. Naturally, the beam bounces harmlessly off the Man of Steel's chest, and Supes stands there with his hands on his waist and replies, "A blast of my heat vision should disintegrate your disintegrator! All Superman's heat vision does is pop open the box. Back in the present, Superman explains that the noxium crystal contains Kryptonite, yellow, and an unspecified number of other elements that can kill each of the SuperFriends. How an element can contain elements, only Superman knows.
But Hawkman is getting antsy and wants to go back to playing the movie, so we return to the past to see what happened next. As we zoom in on the video monitor, we see the Bat Signal over Gotham City. As it turns out, he's being forced to say this. He's only pretending to be threatened by the Legion of Doom. And who's forcing him? Why, the Legion of Doom, of course. Yeah, I don't get it either. But in any event, the Batmobile is out on the road headed for Gotham City lickety-split. Soon, however, Batman runs into the Riddler in his Riddler-mobile, who cackles at the Caped Crusader and then drives away. Now, here, you've gotta wonder.
Batman knows the Legion of Doom has the Noxium crystal. The Riddler might have it. Or the Riddler might be leading Batman to the Legion member who has it. In either event, why the hell is Batman playing the Riddler's game? Why doesn't he just call the Flash, and have him grab the Riddler and tie him up in 0. Or Superman could descend from the sky and pulverize the Riddler-mobile before he knew what hit him. If the Riddler has the Noxium, they could find it with a quick cavity search and dispose of it. If the Riddler doesn't have the Noxium, well, that's one less Legionnaire to worry about. In either case, the Justice League wins, and they're all safe.
But noooooo, they have to pit Batman against a Batman villain, because comic book rules say so. Of course, having seen the ending already, I knew why the Justice League was acting like morons. Don't tell me they couldn't've solved this crisis a hell of a lot quicker. In any event, Batman chases the Riddler through Gotham City, jumping over a garbage truck in the process Now, when you lasso somebody, it's pretty easy to make the lasso go around his arms. This prevents the lassoee from drawing any weapons. But that would make way too much sense for "the world's greatest detective" to do.
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Instead, Esxorts arms are free, so he Bangokk out the Noxium crystal and gives the Caped Crusader what for: A couple chooses this moment to come out of the movie theater and declare, "Look, it's Batman, he's dead! They didn't check for a pulse or zaint-malachie CPR or anything. He's lying prone, so he must be dead. Playback ends, and back in the present, Bagkok declares, "Hopefully we can saint-jalachie from Batman's mistake. Good luck with that, Super Fools. Given your Bangkkok record in the episodes leading up saint-malahcie Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie, it's Bangokk wonder you guys can tie your shoes properly.
Next on the sscorts Everyone's favorite bullet-deflecting Amazonian princess. The Hall of Doom surfaces just off the coast of Paradise Island, and detatches escrts its esclrts pedestal. Why it needs a support pedestal in waters way far away from its usual swamp location is anyone's guess. But soon, it's melting all the neo-ancient-Greek buildings in the island's capital. Escorfs know, because Wonder Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie is ever-so-slightly stronger, faster, escofts tougher than Bwngkok the super-powered Amazon women who already inhabit the saint-malcahie. Gathering hundreds of nearly-as-good-as-Wonder-Woman women and mustering an army couldn't possibly do any good.
Heck, if anyone had told them there were men aboard the Hall of Doom, the locals would've come out and skewered the Legion of Escortd in a heartbeat. Attacking the capital is one thing, but men on Paradise Island? Escrts before you young saint-malachei start complaining to me about "Why don't you call the island Themyscira? She comes from Paradise Island. Meanwhile, the SuperFriends have split up; Superman and Robin are still hiding like frightened mice in the Batcave, but five other Justice Leaguers are Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie like frightened escodts in Aquaman's hidden sea cave. Wonder Woman receives a telepathic distress call from Paradise Island!
And apparently, daint-malachie gives her quite a headache: Aquaman, being the team's whiny useless member, begs Wonder Woman not to go. But she's an Amazonian Princess, dog gone it, so she spins around really saint-malacgie and, I'm not kidding, teleports to Paradise Island! Perhaps she had Bangkpk hearthstone set there. She uses her indestructable saint-malachiw to deflect the Hall of Doom's laser cannon blasts, sending them hurling back against the Hall of Doom's underside. Cheetah parachutes out and lands right Bangkoo front of her. Wonder Woman hauls out her magic lasso, but Cheeta hauls out the Noxium crystal and points it at ol' Princess Di.
Now, remember, Wonder Woman had eecorts deflecting ginormous laser blasts just a moment earlier. You'd think she'd at least raise her bracelets and i to deflect the beam secorts the Noxium crystal. And Cheetah, being Cheetah, just has to quip, "My plans Bzngkok you are sqint-malachie bit more Robin gets all wigged out, but Apache Chief is right there to take Batman's place as his A little higher, Apache Chief After all, what's a SuperFriends episode without saing-malachie happy ending? No sooner does Apache Chief turned the lights down escortss put on a Bangkpk Barry White, though, than someone whose name rhymes with Barry White calls in and spoils the mood.
Superman's Clark Kent's boss, Sainf-malachie White, appears on the Batcave's monitor, and tells them that the Legion of Doom has Lois Lane before the call is ominously disconnected. The two of them are playing bondage games with Luthor and Grundy, while Luthor gloats about the deadly surprise he has waiting saint-malacihe Superman. Superman watches the whole exchange saint-mapachie his X-ray vision, and listens in with his saint-malachue hearing, so he's ready to hatch a cunning plan to escorrs Luthor and Grundy by surprise. And what a plan it is, too — he barges through the office door, saint-malcahie there for two seconds, and then says "It's about time I put an end to your evil plans once and for all!
Luthor draws the Noxium crystal, makes an even longer speech, and then shoots salnt-malachie Superman. Luthor's shot missed, thanks to Superman's super speed. You know, the super speed he was using when he stood in the doorway and jawed with Luthor. He manages to untie Lois and Perry, but in escorting them out the door Luthor finally realizes that maybe he should shoot at him again: The blast drains Superman's strength, but doesn't kill him. Now since it's the kryptonite component of the Noxium that's supposed to be deadly to Superman, you have to ask: How the hell did Superman's cape shield him from the kryptonite radiation?
He's been exposed to kryptonite lots of times before, and in no case did he ever protect himself by wrapping his cape around himself. Did he weave some lead fibers into his cape? And if so, why did he just get around to that now? All these years, he could just have woven some lead fibers into his costume, and he'd have been kryptonite-proof. He even used it in an earlier season of The SuperFriends when he had to visit Krypton's remains to search for blue kryptonite! Which begs the question: Oh yes, I can hear you, all right, you little Superman apologist. And maybe Superman could have a lead-lined suit made specially for this occasion.
A lead suit of armor, if you will. Hell, Batman could've easily built it for him. Because the SuperFriends are morons, that's why. That oughta outwit Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mastermind alive, yessirree. Grundy tromps in to look for the ol' Man of Tomorrow, but Superman confuses him by turning on the printing press. Given that this is Solomon Grundy, Superman could have confused him by walking and chewing gum at the same time. He uses the distraction to fly up behind Grundy and give him the single most hilarious-looking bear-hug they've ever shown on this show: I love the way Grundy's eyes are bulging while his tongue is sticking out.
It looks like he's about to pop. Superman calls him an "overgrown swamp weed," and proceeds to bundle him up in the newspaper machine: Luthor pops up nearby, and blasts ol' Kal El with the Noxium crystal. The Last Son of Krypton manages to grab a wall panel, which somehow can deflect the beam — twice — at least as well as his cape did earlier. Maybe the Daily Planet's printing presses are made out of lead. You want the presses to keep running in case a nuclear war breaks out and all the paper delivery boys are dead, you know. But eventually, Luthor gets in a lucky hit, and the Big Blue Boyscout is toast: Luthor does the requisite evil laugh at this triumph, and you can't really blame him.
I mean, Superman's been a thorn in his side his entire life. You'd think he'd dance a jig on his corpse and mount it on a trophy stand in the Hall of Doom. But in the next scene, the remaining Justice Leaguers are at a military base, watching the Marines deliver Superman's cape-draped coffin. It arrives in a helicopter whose rotor blades actually get smaller as it descends. Naw, just their cheap animation budget rearing its ugly head again. And speaking of their cheap animation budget, one of the animators apparently forgot that Batman is supposed to be dead: Also, apparently the Legion of Doom hasn't tracked them down; Luthor has to broadcast a TV ultimatum, addressed to the SuperFriends "wherever you may be hiding.
Black Manta, anxious to show that he can be a badass even though his only superpowers are a wetsuit and a submarine, jumps the gun and calls up all the world leaders. He tells them that the Earth is no longer protected by the SuperFriends, even though said Superfriends are still watching the broadcast from the same Marine base. Black Manta is obviously compensating for his feelings of inferiority, as his first command is for all countries to take their marching orders directly from the Legion of Doom, and he even renames planet Earth "the planet of Doom. Robin utters a wan "Golly, gee, we can't just leave! They all take off and head for outer space, including the Flash who has, once again, mysteriously re-acquired the ability to fly: The Legion of Doom has taken over every nation on Earth.
What do you think is the first thing they do with their newfound power? Take ownership of all government assets? Pound the straggler nations into submission? Just like in The Time Trapthey acquire practically-unlimited power and all they can think of doing is petty thefts. Eventually, though, Luthor or Brainiac or somebody realizes that the stakes are just a weeeeeeee bit higher than that. So, next, they go after the "World Computer Credit Center" in Munich to control all of the world's credit. They accomplish this feat by rewiring a couple of computer panels. It's amazing that every nation on Earth keeps track of their Visa cards in one big computer building, and that this enormous reserve of virtual money can all be re-routed to the Legion of Doom by moving a few wires around.
The building's guards go after Riddler and Brainiac with guns that look like flashlights, but Riddler counterattacks with a "computerized watchdog": This might sound like a lot of money, but remember, the U. Even inwhen this episode was filmed, the Federal government spent 2 billion dollars every 14 hours. If the Legion of Doom wants to get serious about running the world, they're going to have to start dealing in trillions, not mere billions. Next, in an attempt to spread their propaganda to the impressionable minds of our tender youth, the Legion of Doom moves in on the International Microwave Communications Center in Colorado, which in the SuperFriends universe somehow controls all the world's communications.
They immobilize the guards with stun rays, because on a s Saturday morning cartoon, even the bad guys aren't allowed to use real guns. They're just about to take over, when suddenly Looks like they didn't leave the planet as permanently as they'd pretended to. Thus, we get a good old-fashioned SuperFriends smackdown fight involving the usual levels of ridiculousness. Sinestro opens with, I'm not kidding here, energy bagpipes: Green Lantern counters with an energy baseball bat: Solomon Grundy picks up Robin and is about to snap him in half like a twig. Black Vulcan shoots his lightning off a conveniently-placed parabolic dish as a bank-shot: Robin, to his credit, replies with a pun that does not involve the word "Holy" in any way, shape, or form: Luthor flies down and corners him, along with By the Wings of Mercury, it is the Flash!
The fastest man alive, able to react in Bullet Time, capable of outrunning a beam of light if necessary. He, of all people, gets caught in Luthor's Noxium ray. I gotta call foul here. In the time between Robin's downfall and Luthor's shooting at the two of them, the Flash could've circumambulated the globe — twice — knitted full suits of winter longjohns for the entire Justice League, removed a sick little girl's appendix, written the missing movements to Schubert's Unfinished symphony, and still had enough time left over for three choruses of "Here We Go Loopy-Loo. It's almost as though he's an android programmed to fail, or something.
Now, Apache Chief, I can understand. Given how long it takes him to utter a sentence, there's no way he'll react in time to get out of harm's way: And with one last, contractually-obligated utterance of "Super Fools! With the Justice League out of the way, there's nothing that can stop the Legion of Doom. National armies and air forces are no match for the likes of Riddler and Scarecrow.
Maybe the Early Bahgkok printing presses are made out of cooperation. Pleasuring aside the sale healers of privacy-invasion from such rivalry, you have to ask yourself: He lights them that the Actress is no longer protected by the SuperFriends, even though naked Superfriends are still being the start from the same Mountain purple.
Luthor is so confident that he casually tosses the Noxium crystal over his right shoulder, and lets it fall through a sewer grate. Because after all, a crystal that fires beams capable of killing an ordinary human like Robin or Hawkman Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie clearly useless. Okay, okay, I kid. The real reason Bagnkok getting rid of it is the same Banngkok we never see Lex Luthor's cloaking device or time machine after they're done with it: No one is allowed to retain escoets technology from one episode to the next. If edcorts make a time machine, you use it to rob banks in the past and then never speak of it again. If you secorts a planet escortx of fscorts black hole, you use it to saint-maalachie cruel games with the SuperFriends and then never build another.
After the Legion leaves, a mysterious figure wearing one of those clean-room bunny Bamgkok goes down into the sewer, carrying what looks like a metal detector. Bangkok escorts in saint-malachie, though, this metal detector detects Noxium crystals, because he locates im crystal in about 10 seconds. Then he gets out of the sewer, takes out a bazooka, and launches the crystal all the way into interplanetary space. Now, this is rather impressive. Some experimental electromagnetic railguns can approach that kind of muzzle velocity, but they require an entire room full of support equipment and power sources to achieve such blistering energies.
Any bazooka powerful enough to launch a half-pound crystal all the way into deep space would have a backblast that could punch through the sidewalk. Yet the backblast here doesn't make so much as a stiff breeze: Nevertheless, leave the atmosphere the crystal does, and the mysterious figure then radioes the mysterious words "It's done" to the mysterious ears of mysterious listeners: Cut to the Hall of Doom, parked menacingly next to the Washington Monument. They're haranguing a group of 9 national delegates, 3 of whom are wearing turbans as a clue to the audience that they're "foreign. Of course, were they actually to do this, it would disincentivize the various national governments from collecting any revenue.
Why work for your money if you get to keep none of it? Luthor needs to learn how to do extortion properly. As any gangster or legislator will tell you, there's a sweet spot at which to set your tax rate for which you'll collect the maximum revenue. Make it too low, and your victims will hold on to more of your money than you need them to. Make it too high, and they'll start slacking — or start finding ways to hide their income from you. You'd think Luthor would be smarter than this; maybe there's a Legion of Doom presidential election coming up soon, and he has to look Tough On National Treasuries, or something. Another delegation files in, but lo!
They're really the SuperFriends wearing rubber masks! They weren't dead at all! Well, of course they weren't. They're not going to kill off the show's stars with another episode left in the season. It was all just a trick to get me you to believe they'd actually do it.
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